Tomorrow (it’s not “tomorrow” until I’ve slept and awakened again, I don’t care what you say, even if it is just over 12 hours from now) evening at 6pm I have an appointment to meet someone who’s renting a room. A real person who responded to one of my “housing wanted” ads on craigslist, who might — potentially — have a place for me to call home.
I’m working to keep my expectations in check; I know that my tendency when faced with a positive upcoming situation is to get blinded by the “new carpet smell,” if you’ll follow me through my mixed metaphors here, to only notice the awesome stuff and to minimize the bad things. I’ve ended up in more than a couple situations that really turned out shitty because of that — and I want… I need for the next place I move to be a long-term home, not something that’s going to fall apart because I was so full of NRE (of a sort) with the place I was checking out that I ignored anything that wasn’t “THIS IS MY PERFECT FOREVER HOME!!!!11one!!” I’m going into this knowing that the address is on somewhat of a main thoroughfare, which has the potential to mean lots of noise. I’m reminding myself of the things I need to bring up as interview questions — a moderate list of things that I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) that are important to me in sharing a living space.
And — for me, this is the most critical thing — when this little meeting is done, my last question will be “Can I get back to you in a day or two with my answer?” If there’s hesitation, or a push to get me to answer on the spot, I call things off. I know that I cannot make a rational decision in that moment, and I won’t try to do so. And if this is someone who I’m going to be living with for several years, then she sure as fuck better be able to handle “I’d love to discuss this, as soon as I am able to take the space I need to process things… and the more you push me to engage right now, the worse the outcome will be.” Shit, that’s basically what destroyed MFP and I as a couple — she needed to immediately engage when she felt something was wrong (and to continue to engage until she was satisfied with the outcome,) and I needed to take enough space from the situation when something was wrong to be able to sort out my own thoughts and feelings about what was happening and how to proceed. You can imagine that this… didn’t work very well. So, if I’m going to live with someone for that long, I need that to be someone who can handle giving me the space to make decisions, especially ones as significant as making a home.
Anyway, I should be sleeping… so here goes nothing.