drunk and horny and frustrated

Went out tonight. Got more drunk than I planned, which is nice, especially since at least two of my drinks were “on me, friend!” from the bartender (super hot but also super hetero and less than couple of weeks away from getting married to a long-term monogamous partner.) Chatter with a couple who were in the area from out of town, thought the hot chick was single until her husband showed up.  Talked for quite a while — probably a couple of hours — with a couple of hot (but again, gah! straight!) ladies, ended up passing along contact info to both of them but I’ll be genuinely shocked if I hear from either of them again. That’s just how it always seems to happen, and I can’t invest any emotional energy in hoping that I manage to end up with friends, even.

Drank more, since I could afford to, and I’m back in bed wishing I had flesh down my throat and in my ass and I am so fucking sick and tired of being alone, being lonely, being single, being un-fucked and wishing anyone wanted me.

I need to be taken, used, fucked, and it’s been over three years since the last even halfway decent fucking I’ve had. And, of course, that was from a woman who I’ve barely ended up seeing since, but who has ended up becoming fantastically close friends with The Rabbit, who I introduced to The Rec that night. I’m just over here out of the way, wishing anyone gave a fuck (or that anyone cared, which doesn’t happen much, either.)

I have posted so many entries here expressing my need, my unfulfilled need, for sex. And there are countless other times when I’ve simply said “fuck it, I’m just repeating myself, it won’t accomplish anything anyway…” and said nothing.

People I know — acquaintances, geographically distant folks who say they want me, whatever — often remark that they’re astonished that I don’t have all the lovers, all the sex, all the needs addressed that are always left unmet. Attractive female friends tell me they can’t believe I don’t have a girlfriend, when I’m always so stunning. And honestly, it’s a slap to the face. YOU. I’d love for you to fuck me, and there are more than a few “yous” who have expressed surprise that somebody else isn’t taking me to bed when you’ve made it clear that you won’t, you’re not interested, nothing personal, just… nah, not gonna happen… but surely somebody else will!

Bah. Angry and horny and drunk and alone. I’ll just quit trying to say anything, since I’m not going to change my situation by writing about it.

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