(untitled)

It’s really disappointing on the extremely rare occasions when there’s a chick who’s hot, and she’s maybe even into me… but she’s also super into religion. Or she smokes cigarettes non-stop. Or she insists that other women shouldn’t be allowed to choose what they do with their own bodies (i.e. “shaving your body hair and wearing lipstick is capitulating to the patriarchy and if you actually CARED you would change everything about yourself to suit my tastes instead!”) Or she buys into that whole trendy-in-the-bay deal (though certainly not exclusive to here) of “saving the world” through self-deprivation (which, near as I have ever been able to figure out the dogmatic religiosity of veganism, that’s what it keeps coming out as.)

Like, I really don’t expect to have every single thing in common with anyone in the world. I really don’t. And if I don’t have exactly the same tastes in music or books or movies or food or recreation as someone, no big deal! But in the same way that I wouldn’t try to date a gal who thinks that war is wonderful and we should be violently invading more countries; in the same way that I wouldn’t try to date a gal who thinks that trans* women aren’t really women, and fights to exclude some women from women’s spaces; and I wouldn’t expect to be criticized heavily for those choices — I wouldn’t think that it would be considered so gauche of me to have a few minimal standards in other areas to ensure that I’m not trying to spend time with someone who is okay with causing harm to me or to themselves.

And yet daring to say some of those things out loud — especially the one about avoiding relationships with those who have the luxury of circumstances to afford promoting self-deprivation as a positive force for good in the world — gets me dirty looks at a minimum, and often quite a rant from others about “tolerance” and “acceptance” and being “nicer” to people.

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2 Responses to “(untitled)”

  1. tomocarroll Says:

    I wish I had more time to visit other folks’ sites as well as writing my own blog. However, I have read this piece and found I like it, especially this: “I wouldn’t try to date a gal who thinks that war is wonderful and we should be violently invading more countries; in the same way that I wouldn’t try to date a gal who thinks that trans* women aren’t really women, and fights to exclude some women from women’s spaces”. As a non-woman, including not a trans woman, I hope I’m not out of line in expressing a view on this!

    • Sophia, NOT Loren! Says:

      Not at all out of line, Tom!

      The point I was going for in that bit was that — at least among the people I keep company with — there ought to be no question of the sense in those, the good of those should be evident. And there’s nothing wrong, as far as I’m concerned, with more people choosing to seek romantic and sexual partners who are trying to make the world a better place!

      I keep hoping (and being disappointed) that the other things I consider “dealbreakers” would be understood in the same way… including at least one or two which I haven’t mentioned explicitly in this post.


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