Morning walks and late-night talks, oh how I loved you then…

~sigh~ seeing pictures of adorable (a-dork-able, even) light-and-dark femme couples online, and stopping to remind myself that I do NOT miss my ex.

I miss the sex, and it’s okay that the rest of her is gone. I don’t miss the constant fighting about the same things over again, I don’t miss the inability to communicate about anything important,I don’t miss MFP trying to project her issues with/fears of substance (ab)use on me, I don’t miss her constantly being scared to touch me during sex or the fact that she needed me to treat her like she was made of the most delicate glass when it came to sex — and then to only find out sometimes days later that she’d yet again “felt like I’d violated her” when everything I could see had been full of constant check-ins and lots of explicit communication and apparent enthusiastic consent and participation, only to find that I had somehow been The Bad Guy yet again.

I’ll eventually find someone who wants me, I’m sure. I’ll eventually have my needs met, sexually and as far as having a stable roof overhead, and with everything else, too. But, holy fuck it’s tough… seeing so many people around me who have their needs met, and struggling to keep going without mine being addressed…


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