I don’t understand how so anyone can be happy belonging to a Christian church… but I don’t have to understand. If someone says they’re happy that way, and they seem to be so, then I can accept that they are, even if it makes no sense.
I don’t understand how anyone can be Republican (or otherwise politically far-right; “America Is Not The World” after all) and say they care about other people… but I don’t have to understand. If they say they care about people, and even sometimes manage to demonstrate that, I can accept, at least, that they mean well and they’re capable of caring. Well, at least capable of sometimes caring.
I don’t understand how anyone can claim to have a fulfilling life while intentionally denying themselves pleasurable and fulfilling things. Whether that’s artificially restricting the categories of foods that they eat, or avoiding specific recreational activities that they might otherwise participate in, or not having sex that they want to have… it makes zero sense to me. But I don’t have to understand. If someone says that avoiding life gives them a fulfilling life, I know better than to insist that they’re wrong.
But I also don’t have to go out of my way to interact with any of those categories of people. I personally have found that spending energy on people who I cannot understand is a waste of my time — that I will spend more energy on silently asking myself “what the fuck is wrong with you?! Why would you do something so completely fucked up and broken?” I won’t say it to them, but I’ll think it, and I’ll end up stressed out and pissed off, and there’s no benefit to anyone in that.
That’s why I need to find a place to live that won’t refuse to have meat in the house, that won’t make rules to prevent people from having sex in the house, that won’t freak out if I’ve been out having a drink and come back anything other than perfectly sober. That’s also why I’m only looking for lovers who eat meat, who embrace and enjoy their sexuality and the pleasures that bodies can create, who don’t mind sharing a drink sometimes — or even potentially other substances.
It’s been frustrating to find plenty of people who can almost offer a place to live, but only if I match my behavior to something that I can’t understand, only if I pretend to be someone I’m not. There are occasionally women who might be a potential girlfriend, if I constantly remind myself to stay silent when I see her doing something that I can’t see as anything but harmful, when she says it makes her life better.
So — in living and in loving: Sorry, but “vegan is a dealbreaker.”