Dinner data

I haven’t slept yet
or caffeine
getting the better of me

I’d put my bet on nerves
it’s not every day
you know you’ll find yourself
breaking bread
with familiar strangers
with strangers who are family

tonight I’ll sit down to dinner
with two people
I wish I could claim to know
but the truth is
(to borrow the words of one of the pair)
I don’t really know
where they are
what they do
they rarely say
I was too afraid to ask
for too long

until on a whim
eyes brimming with tears
then as now
I took a leap unknown, blind
tossed out an invitation
only after hitting “send”
did I spend a moment
asking “what did I just do?
what have I done?!”

then reminding myself
no regret
patience is a virtue
comfort and safety
are illusions
and neither one is freedom

tonight I’m having dinner
with my mom
and my dad
I hope they’re having dinner
with their daughter
we will share a meal
and each other’s

this happens with
no script
no expectations
no hopes
no fears
just letting it be
whatever it will be

and working to make still
my heart
my mind
my body
and rest,
for the present

the rest…
can wait until after.


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