You, you’re not allowed, you’re uninvited.

Going through local Craigslist ads for housing, since I’m still struggling to find a place after 6 months of looking… and a few themes popped up.  Now, I already count on the general overall message of “we don’t want you here” that comes across, but I kept seeing a handful of things repeated, enough that I started saving little snippets from various ads that illustrated my point.  Roughly filed into the following categories, here are a few examples:

Be quiet, be gone, don’t remind us you exist.

  • Pets,drugs, loud party and smoking are not allowed on this property.
  • No pets, smokers, or overnight guests.
  • We don’t use drugs, 420, or alcohol, so I’m looking for a woman to share a no-drama, clear-headed lifestyle.
  • This is a Non-Smoking, QUIET and PET-FREE house.
  • looking for a single person who likes to live in tidy environment, and is considerate of noise levels, especially at night.
  • I need the living room and kitchen to be relatively quiet at night after 9pm, and the living room lights need to be off starting at 10pm.
  • Serious people only.
  • preferably male, quiet, regular easy-going, working or student type.
  • This is not a silent house, but is intended to be very peaceful and relaxing. At the same time, it is intended to be super fun and free, so their must be consensus between everyone.
  • I will have some long and busy days and like to have my home be a space to recharge, so I value quiet evenings.
  • looking for a chill roommate, preferably a mid 20’s kind of person, with a 9-5 sort of gig (like us).
  • Grad student/ busy full-time employed person preferable…

Kids, pets, and/or smoke required — kinda the opposite of the previous.

  • No pets, but there is a cat onsite.
  • There are 4 pets in the house 2 dogs and 2 cats. I will consider another animal.
  • 420 friendly, and work full time.
  • there will be 2 children in the house
  • Preferably no more pets, definitely no dogs
  • two amazing dogs!
  • we have one cat
  • I have 2 nice cats.
  • three roommates, who are employed and students, and 2 cats.
  • there is already a cat in the apartment
  • There are already two beautiful Persian cats in house
  • Kitchen privileges. References required. private half bath. Must be ok with a cat
  • The house is 420 and LGBT friendly.
  • Household has two young cats, which spend the majority of their time indoors.
  • nice, respectful, queer friendly, 420 friendly, dog friendly
  • We have a 10-yr-old

Extremely specific requirements

  • No meat or fish can be brought into house, this is a vegetarian household.
  • Ideally, you have a daily meditation practice and have sat a 10-day Vipassana course as taught by S.N. Goenka.
  • You: healthy life-style, financially stable and responsible, very clean, respectful, honest, common sense
  • share some details about yourself, including your schedule, lifestyle, why you’re moving, links to Facebook and LinkedIn profiles, etc.
  • someone who is fairly tidy and does not wear shoes indoors
  • please have 2 references available for verification.
  • work exchange for occasional care of our 5 yr old daughter
  • I do not want the house smelling of bacon or pork. Gross!
  • I am a guy looking for a fun open minded female roommate in a shared bedroom / You must be easy going and fun, and want to save on rent in this tough economy
  • No perfume, incense and/or strong scents please!!!

No requirements (and maybe no standards?)

  • studio apartment you’ll be sharing with me / typical bay area guy.
  • Male or female theres one female already and two guys. Were looking for a forth.
  • Please send a short description of yourself and what you are looking for.

And of course, “No wonder it’s that cheap!”

  • Available now for Summer rental.
  • single room in a big house with around 15 others
  • looking for a roommate to live in a cornered off space of a large living room.
  • for the the next school year.

Look, all I’m trying to find — absolute basic essential criteria — is 1) no men, 2) no pets, 3) no smoking. Unfortunately, the folks who also want “no smoking” seem to be uptight assholes who also want no alcohol (“no-drama, clear-headed lifestyle”) and no sex (“QUIET,” “quiet evenings,” “no overnight guests,” “quiet after 9pm,” “considerate of noise levels, especially at night,” “quiet, regular easy-going” etc.)

The folks who might not mind sex and alcohol gotta smoke their pot — which I don’t have a problem with, I just can’t live in the same space with the smoke (done that before, it does NOT work. Read back through my archives about living with the Girl-Child and Stoner Dude… ~shudder~)

And living with animals is apparently required if you’re among folks who understand that humans aren’t soulless robots meant to never enjoy anything… (“4 pets in the house,” “there is a cat onsite,” “two young cats,” “two beautiful Persian cats,” “already a cat,” “and 2 cats,” “2 nice cats,” etc.) My lungs and sinuses would like to be able to function, thanks, and I don’t much like animals around even when I’m not dealing with allergies from them.

I’m staying with The Rabbit right now, not dealing well with her cat, and isolated from public transportation. I’m trying to scrape by on $880 a month, a government check which is only that “high” because California supplements the federal amount of $720 monthly. Yes, you read those numbers correctly: The US Government expects someone who qualifies for SSI — essentially “permanent disability” — to be able to survive on $8,600 annual income, anywhere in the country.  And California’s added amount means that any permanently disabled person in California should be able to do just fine with barely over $10,000 a year to live on! For reference, that’s equivalent to an hourly wage of $4.13 and $5.08, respectively.  The federal minimum wage is currently $7.25/hour, and yet the same government expects someone who cannot work at the same capacity, someone with particular care needs beyond the average person, to survive on far less than that.

In fact, let’s compare one other set of numbers: The “Federal Poverty Guidelines” are a set of numbers that the government uses to determine, essentially, whether you’re broke enough to qualify for various assistance programs.  All the numbers I’ve been referencing so far are for a single individual, because those are the ones relevant to my situation, although the amounts get calculated for lager “family” sizes as well.  So, here’s the thing: the current “single individual” amount, the annual income that says “anything less than this means you’re so broke you automatically qualify for assistance” — is $11,670. Now, you might, if you have even a tiny bit of sense, notice that number is significantly larger than either “barely over $10,000” ($10,524, specifically) or $8600.  And if you’re particularly clever, you might even stop to ask, “Why, doesn’t that mean that the people living in poverty, the ones who are permanently disabled, are being given just enough ‘assistance’ to keep them in poverty?!” Yes! Exactly. That’s exactly what’s going on!

So, yeah. I have an income that’s equivalent to 70% of the federal minimum wage, 91% of the federal amount that says “you’re so broke you can’t handle basic needs,” being administered by the federal government. I’m not naïve enough to think it’s a matter of the left hand not knowing what the right one’s doing, especially when I’d be dealing with 56% of minimum wage and 73% of the “you’re definitely broke” amounts if I didn’t have that tiny extra bit from the state of California… Ebenezer Scrooge would be delighted to see the poor dying off, decreasing the supposed, imaginary “surplus population.”

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Posted in General. 1 Comment »

One Response to “You, you’re not allowed, you’re uninvited.”

  1. Ferry Chrucking Mistmas. | Σαφικος Σοφια Says:

    […] don’t know how I’m going to possibly find a home. Ever. Things have only gotten worse since I last ranted about how shitty housing options are around here, and they’re continuing to fall apart […]


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