Staring at the ceiling, wishing she were somewhere else instead

Haven’t left the house today. Barely left my bed. Haven’t eaten enough (and might go attempt to remedy that in a few minutes) and I’ve been bored and lethargic and stressed out. The neighbor’s dog barking all day — from just after 4am until nearly midnight — hasn’t helped my frazzled nerves, nor did the movie blasting out from the home theater downstairs (directly below my room, naturally, but there’s nowhere in the house that I can escape it.) At one point I went to the bathroom, and in there I could hear more than just the bass and explosions… just in time to catch a screaming match between two angry characters.

On the plus side, I did get a tiny bit more rest than usual, and I connected with a few awesome people that I had really hoped to hear from It’s a nice surprise to actually have someone reach out after the initial “hey, this is me, here’s my contact info” — it happens so rarely that it’s really depressing most of the time. Like, out of 250 cards I give away, I end up with 2 or 3 folks who ever even get in touch. And that holds true even when I’ve given my number to someone who is very flirty, not-even-slightly subtle about it, even when someone has pulled me in and made out, even when there’s been kissing and groping and “let me buy you a drink” and “I’d love to take you to bed with me!” — I rarely hear a word.  So, yeah. When not one but two incredible women got back to me today, I was pleased!

Also my mom stopped by the bank and deposited a little bit of money for me, which should take care of the rest of the cost of my hair coloring. Useful. And I killed some time on tumblr, filling my queue up again and finding a few more blogs to follow. I haven’t written the massive blog post that I have been promising myself to get to for ages now, but I’m not sure how I can make that happen, either, because it’ll require me being in decent shape mentally, emotionally, and physically, plus the ability to write without everything smashing in around me, the noise and craziness that consistently make me want to scream.

I don’t want to sleep alone again tonight, and I don’t want to sleep here tonight, but I really don’t have much choice in the matter. Keeping my heart open, keeping my eyes open, and keeping my legs open — eventually the combination will lead me to where I want to be.  I can do Patience… and of course, I’m sure you know what they say: Patience is a virgin, right? She just kept waiting, patiently? Ah, well. Anyway…


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