But now, she doesn’t live here anymore

Something wonderful: a delightful sexual encounter where all parties involved were satisfied and enjoyed themselves, where everything that happened was comfortable and communication was clear and direct.

Something horrible: Waking suddenly from sleep in the middle of that night in a cold sweat, with a knot of dread in your belly and your mind racing as you go over each and every single part of that beautiful encounter, trying to second-guess yourself, afraid of what you’ll be chastised for, what things might count as ignoring consent (and finding nothing,) which things might possibly be construed as unwanted violence (still finding nothing) or violation of boundaries (and still empty-handed, but still scared)…

…before your rational brain kicks in to remind you that it wasn’t your ex that you just were in bed with, and you’re not dealing with them anymore.

Yet another reminder that breaking up with MFP was the right decision, and that it will still take time to heal.


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