If you tell me that I’m a lazy good-for-nothing, I’ll hear you saying that I lack worth and value, and that you think I don’t work hard enough. If what you mean is that you wish you could keep the same sleep schedule as I do, that’s a really ineffective way to get your point across.
If you express amazement that I managed to tell a funny joke, and furthermore that you’re not surprised that it took hard work to do it, I’ll hear you saying that I’m not very good at comedy, and that when I am it’s either accidental or the result of significant labor. If what you mean is that my wit comes easily and often, and you appreciate my great sense of humor, that’s a really ineffective way to get your point across.
If you say to me, “SPAM?! No friend of mine would go near that filth! And you said you had good taste… As if…” I’ll get the message loud and clear that your friendship is a flimsy thing, predicated on sharing your opinions — and I’ll hear a hefty dose of judgmental attitude about my differing opinions. If what you mean is that you don’t share my opinions but you don’t have any problem with mine, even when you don’t understand them, that’s a really ineffective way to get your point across.
And if I react to what you say — instead of what you mean (but didn’t say) — then telling me that I need to “chill out,” to “stop being so emotional about it,” that you were “just teasing,” and that I should have known… or for good measure, maybe even throw in a bit of wondering statement about whether I’m “looking for things to get upset about,” are really ineffective ways to address the issue of being ineffective at getting your point across.
I don’t read minds. If you want to tell me something, tell me. Please, don’t assume that I can look past your hurtful words and somehow glean a compliment or an expression of affection from them — I’m about as likely to pick up a pile of dog shit to try to figure out where the $100 bill in the middle is!