Today has been… weird.
Weird, like, I feel like I’ve stepped outside of reality momentarily, like I’m only half-here.
Weird, like, I’ve had the odd taste in my throat and unease in my belly that often signal oncoming cold symptoms, but they’ve been fading and out, and the other things I usually query as self-diagnostics for “you’re getting a cold!” haven’t been there.
Weird, like, I’ve only once in my life had something that fit what others described as a migraine, but tonight I was noticing bits of the things that I felt then… in diminished form, like echoes. I’m sure my severely disrupted sleep/wake cycle the last few days hasn’t been easy on my body/mind/self, but… this doesn’t make sense.
Weird, like, I remember looking at the clock about 6:30pm and thinking I should make sure to get out of the house… and I started getting clothes on, cleaning myself up to leave — and I remember looking at the clock again just before 10pm and being certain that much time could not have passed, and I had only put on underwear and cleaned up my face.
Weird, like, I don’t know what temperature feels comfortable in here. I’ve had the heat on several times today, to higher than I would almost ever turn it — and then I’ve turned it off and opened things up to cool it way down. Then repeat the process with a few temperature changes on both ends of things… not quite as warm heater, colder cooldown, less cool next cycle or even colder still.
I know I’ve been really itching for, hungry for, needing a huge dose of surreality in my life for a while. I know I’ve been calling for fire and ocean and seeking out art that tears at the cloud of mundane corporeal existence, visuals and visions that pull me beyond. I know I’ve had that need for too long… I wonder if it was my recent call seeking Discord that finally opened the gates?
The laptop computer I’m currently using to type this is just barely — in the last couple of days — up and functional again (minus the audio output, which may not ever be working.) I hadn’t realized for some time that when I first got WinXP installed on here, I’d broken something about its ability to update itself, to apply security patches and such, and it ended up being a simpler process to wipe and start over… though the process of getting things working took several more wipe/reinstall cycles, each with a fair bit of research and experimentation and hair-pulling (and not the sexy kind.)
The last time I was installing Windows on here, and it asked me for the computer’s name, I started to type “ThinkPad” as I had done several times before. It would have still been the only system I own whose name does not begin with my own, then a hyphen, then a single word identifier (-laptop, -desktop, -win7desk, -dlbox, etc.) But I stopped. And I thought. And I named her.
How d’ya like them apples, huh? Seems golden to me!