A letter to myself.

Dearest beautiful one,

How are you?  If you’re reading this, I guess things aren’t the best.  I’m sorry to hear it; I’ve been there, I know how much it hurts.

You could probably use a little bit of cheering up!  Yeah, I know, I know… you’re bristling at the sound of that.  I never liked hearing Tigger come bouncing up, either, when I felt like Eeyore.  Or like Rabbit, for that matter.  I know you’d love to pick a fight with me if you could, but I’m not giving you that pill — the medicine you really need is a kind word and a smile, even if you don’t think you’ll like it.

You’re beautiful.  I don’t always remember just how beautiful you are, and even when I see it I sometimes forget to remind you… but you are.  I know other people see it too, and you really would do well to listen and believe it when they tell you what they see!  I hear people say great things about you all the time.  Sorry if I don’t always pass the word along, hon.  I get a little bit focused on other messages, maybe too focused for my own good.  Hell, even strangers tell me things about you — comments on your style, your fantastic outfits… people see you, and they like what they see!  Keep in mind, too, that those guys who give you “Hey baby, come here! What’s your name?” are catching you, above and apart from all the other girls walking down the street.  Even the ones who get disrespectful — the ones who call “well fuck you then, bitch!” after you walk silently by — even they admire you.  I’m sure you remember all the times you wanted to get the attention of some gorgeous woman you saw, how much it burned when she just ignored you.  Didn’t you want to lash out at her, just for a moment?  You know what it’s like.  You do that “empathy” thing, at least when you’re clear-headed.  I’ve watched your eyes change as you suddenly understand what someone else is feeling, when you see yourself in their pain.

That’s also part of why I’m writing this letter to you.  I see myself in the pain you’re feeling now.  Like I said before, I’ve been there, and I know what you’re going through.  It’s real, and it’s deep.  It’s also temporary, and even if you don’t feel like it’s ever going to get better, it will.  It’s okay to let out your tears, sweetie.  Holding them in doesn’t help you any.  Turn on your music — it’s helped me many times when I can’t quite give myself permission to cry; maybe it’ll make a difference for you, too.  If you need those wailing melodies, go for it… but it’s also completely okay to turn on something that makes you happy!  You have a hard time with that, I know.  You want to stay blue, hang on to your misery.  You can choose to let it go, and you’ll feel better if you let yourself.  I promise you will!

You make a difference to the people around you.  I know it’s sometimes hard to see how much you matter, but you do!  You, my dear, have been so important to several of your friends that they’ve taken little pieces of you to hold close, to remind them of you when you’re far away, to inspire and motivate them with the thought of youThat’s the kind of difference you make, and that’s no small thing!

Remember this little bit of inspiration?  “Lie still. Breathe deeply. Smile, relax, close your eyes — and remember what it is to be at peace. To be happy. Hold that memory tight, and bring it back when things seem too far gone — because you can ALWAYS make it right again!”  I was looking through some of your writing the other day, and I noticed that piece buried away, out of sight.  You used to keep that right below your picture — everywhere you saw yourself on the internet, that was just underneath.  You’ve got some damn good advice, comes out of those lips of yours sometimes!  I’m trying to follow the better bits that you’ve given me… even if I don’t always succeed, at least I’m working on it.  Thank you for all the encouragement.  I’m returning the favor now, because I can see you need it!

Well, I’m sure you’ve got other things to do, and I won’t try to keep you.  Just… please, come back if you’re ever feeling down, and let me keep you company.  I know you do the same for me when I’m hurting; you try to fix it all, or at least you tell me something tough that I really need to hear.  We both tend to do that for our friends, don’t we?

You see this often enough that it’s maybe lost a little of its meaning, but I’m going to sign this letter just like you always do, and hope you see how significant it is…

Take Care, Be Well, and Love Life! ♥

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