It seems everyone around me is having sex.
Not just having sex, but the kinds of sex they want, with the kinds of people they want, as often as they want.
I’m generally pretty cool with that, and it’s often exciting for me when people I know (and people I like) have something awesome happen, when they’re happy and satisfied… except that recently it’s been more frustrating than exciting. Nobody is going out of their way to talk about the fact that they’re fucking and enjoying it, nobody’s passing along every juicy detail… but it’s something that comes up in passing with friends, something I can’t help hearing from my roommate and her boy-toy, or from the guys upstairs and their girlfriends, and it leaves me hurting and empty to know that I’m going without, and going without on a regular and consistent basis.
The really fucked-up part of this is that I’ve kept having the thought come back of, “well, maybe if I just settle for sex with someone I don’t want, or kinds of sex I don’t really like, then I’d be okay — at least I’d be getting fucked!” I’ve seriously considered quelling the nausea that accompanies a guy coming on to me and playing along, given significant thought to passing myself over to some hairy, beefed-up tranny-chaser because that’s the only time I generally have someone show sexual interest in me.
Meanwhile, I’m seriously stressing out at home, not sleeping well (when I sleep at all) and still dealing with significant environmental stressors nearly non-stop, staying under-fed, insufficiently hydrated, and in basically all-around bad shape.
There was supposed to be more to this post but it isn’t going to happen right now…..