Everybody has those days; nobody’s perfect!

Yesterday was supposed to be the day.  I spent quite some time that morning as I lay in bed, rehearsing… practicing… trying to prepare myself to be able to finally say to my mom, in person, to her face what I had never directly expressed.

I wanted to say simply, “Mom, I love you.  I am a woman.  I have taken the name Sophia.”  That’s it — all I wanted to say… but when I saw her again, and everything was happy and friendly and kind… and she even wanted to take me to pay the last bit of my phone bill AND take me to get food, and even pay for me… we talked for quite a while about family and all the things going on — I just couldn’t.

I love her.  And I know that I’ve hurt her.  Causing her pain is something I never want to do, but it’s so hard to find a balance between my own freedom and my own wishes, and what I’m willing to give up to keep her happy.  Yesterday I kept silent.  I think — I hope — that my silence has kept her from at least a little sorrow.  At least for now.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: