Had a decently long talk with my friend Baby Hipster today. At one point I began to express worries about how things might go in a relationship if and when I got into one, how I wasn’t sure I’d see the mind to admire beyond the flesh to lust for, how I was scared I’d be possessive, that I’d be likely to use someone instead of love them… and that I didn’t know what to do about it right this minute.
Always the level head, she thought for a few moments, and then cleverly pointed out that I didn’t need to freak out about all those things — at least not right now. Right now I can be my little lusty self, enjoy my body and explore my nature on my own; and when the time comes that I meet someone and want to get involved with them, then I can make efforts to deal with any potential problems that could arise.
It made such perfect sense, and was such a strikingly stark opposite to what my parents had drilled into me for years… “deal with the future in the future,” instead of “make sure you plan this very moment how you’ll live every second of your entire life, so you only have to make one decision and never look back.” The first leaves you free to live and breathe and enjoy life as it happens; the second ties you completely, a noose around your neck ever-tightening, always keeping you keenly aware of what might go wrong — one slip and the knot closes completely, leaving you to dangle and die.
How could I ever have believed that was the true and only way to live? Thank the Mother I came to my senses, and that I’ve found true inspiration from teachers and friends like Baby Hipster and others.
On a somewhat related note, I just might finally meet Baby Hipster today! Plans are still up in the air, but there’s a good chance I’ll be able to give a well-deserved, heartfelt thanks to someone who has helped me so much in the brief time I’ve known her… wish me luck in working everything out logistically, would ya?