Failure. *grumble grumble*

So, this evening when I had a few minutes before going to bed, I went in, took a quick shower, and brought the Nad’s hair removal stuff with me, thinking I’d try taming the furball I’ve grown to detest.  Dried off, opened all the packaging, read the directions a few times over, even though they were pretty simple.  Figured, all right, let’s get this party started!  The instructions note that if you “are unfamiliar with waxing, try first on your leg(s) to become comfortable with the procedure.”  Okay, no sweat — I fit that label, so I found an area where things were just long enough to make it grab, and tried slathering on the gel.  Well, slight problem.  The gel was below its usable temperature by a ways, and fairly solid.  I managed to get enough out to spread a strip on my leg there, pressed down the pad as shown, and ripped it up.  Was amazed at the lack of sensation; it didn’t hurt or sting like I expected it to.  So now I was at a point where I was ready to try for what the instructions daintily referred to as “removal for bikini…”  Okay, I suppose it would make sense for that primarily, but that wasn’t what I was planning.  Tried to get even a little bit more gel out, but no luck.  Thought I had enough to start a strip, tried spreading it on and it was so thick and sticky that it wouldn’t even spread.

The instruction sheet says that if the gel isn’t the right consistency, simply cook it in the microwave for a few seconds, no problem!  Uhhhh, in my case, Yes.  Big problem.  Little bit hard to simply walk from the bathroom (only one we have) at one end of the house, to the kitchen at the other end, wearing absolutely nothing but a small patch of hair removal gel in a rather sensitive spot… all while my mom, dad, and sister who happens to be visiting for a week are wandering around minding their own business, and who would strongly disapprove of what I was doing in the first place if they found out.  For them, it’s not the natural way of things; one should allow one’s hair to grow naturally, as they claim their God intended, and not deface one’s body by altering the intended way of things.  My take on it, is it’s a load of bullshit, but they still think I’m a dutiful little God-worshiping little girl, and I don’t have the will (or the nerve) to break their hearts and tell them how much I think their church blows donkey nuts.

At any rate, I did try one last time to apply the gel to the nether-regions and use the removal cloth to grab it and pull, but there’s so much fucking flab down there that I couldn’t get the vital step of “hold the skin taut with one hand, and quickly pull the strip up with the other.” — things were just so floppy and pudgy that I’d need 4 or 6 hands just to hold things down while I used another to rip the pad off.

And of course, the tiny bit on the leg was easy, so totally simple — I think I’d still rather stick with shaving when needed, but it’s nice to know that’s an option if I want to go for it.

I guess next attempt will be with the in-shower use Nair I bought as a backup.  Wish me luck again, or if you are one to do so, ask whatever deity/deities you worship to give me a hand with getting things working… I know I could certainly use all the help I can get!

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